“We appreciate your call. Please hold…”

“Sir? Thank you for waiting. I’m sorry you’ve been on hold so long, sir.”

“That’s OK, honey.”

“Honey?”

“Well, yeah. According to Arkansas law, if you and I are in a phone call form more than 10 minutes, we’re common law spouses.”

“What?”

“Yeah. We’re married now, sweatheart.”

“What do we do now?”

“Get naked, I guess. I don’t make the law.”

“Well don’t expect me to cook for you.”

“Oh, I could just guess how rotten your cooking is. You’re just like your miserable mother!”

“Oh, yeah? Well you’re a drunk like your dad!”

“YOU DON’T KNOW MY DAD! YOU TAKE THAT BACK, WITCH!”

“THAT’S IT! I’M TAKING THE KIDS AND GOING TO STAY WITH MY MOM! BURN IN HELL, ASSHOLE!”

(dial tone)

…

…

“Honey? Honey? Dammit! I still haven’t confirmed my return flight!”

6 months ago  /  13 notes