January 2010
28 posts
December 2009
88 posts
I can't wait to wake up and see what's under the...
which is the brown, decaying, flamable heap where Christmas used to be.
New Year's Resolutions.
1) Hug
2) More
Kill me.
Please.
Does watching HGTV make me gay?
How about cheering for the perfect view or stainless steel appliances?
Faux headboards?
Went ice skating for the first time in eons.
Recent memories of ice is that ice tied to the back seat of motorcycles buzzing down Jakarta’s dirty roads and chock full of flies.
Oh, yeah… and not drinking anything with ice.
Merry Christmas My Awesome, Beautiful Friends!
Luv
Is today really THE DAY to talk to my doctor about...
Hmmm…
Don't you love it when you sit next to a pair of...
I don’t know if my handcrafted Malaysian monitor lizard skin jacket and Indonesian encyclopedia of modern art can take any more of this.
Following All of the Above.
imaveronica
picesinpurple
I am deeply suspicious that these two just may have a genetic link.
I was out eating a sandwich, so I missed some...
I’m doing this sandwich in the intestinal sense.
OH:
“Um, like for real?”
“Yeah, like seriously.”
“Totally.”
“Um, text me, kay?”
I’ve been out of the states for a while, so what the hell did I just miss?
I can't listen to Brazilian climate initiatives on...
Think about the beach. (scrrrrrrr-tch)
Think about the beach. (scrrrrrrr-tch)
Think about the beach. (scrrrrrrr-tch)
Ughhhh… how I hate Leg Shaving Day at Grandma’s.
Christmas and the Seven Habits of the Highly...
1. Brush your teeth. Green teeth are an unnecessary distraction to your larger and more important ulterior motives.
2. Seek eye care for Yellow Eye. Clear vision is your ally.
3. Ensure evil side-kick meets the critical 1.05 Bully-to-Evil Side-Kick weight ratio.
4. You strike more a more fearsome reputation by focusing your efforts on larger pack members like Flick...
You ever Google “orgasm” then forgot to delete it...
Yeah, me neither.
"Masturbating"
marleymarley:
I did it wrong, didn’t I.
I’m afraid so. See, you’re supposed to report the “Orgasming” part.
Quick... how do you get Cheese Whiz out of a...
Now that I’ve primed you, how do I get this dead hooker out of my boss’ office?
5 tags
The Creative Process.
Achieving good comedic writing requires the same deft deftness as would be required to, say, kill a musk ox with a pair of Speedos.
By following the carefully crafted steps below, you too will be well on your way to comedic and homely, blobert-esk, obscurity:
1) Find a quiet place. I do this by leaving work. Being in a busy office or having “business-critical” missions to do all the time...
'X Factor' winner Joe McElderry: 'I've never heard... →
indefensible:
What a pleasant distraction this is. Merry Christmas one and all.
That’s cool. I’ve never heard OF “X Factor”. I’ve never heard of Joe McEderry. I don’t even know what I’m doing right now. Who am I?
I just discovered something remarkable... I'm...
Please stop me before I do more.
I was going to tweet but decided to contribute to...
3 tags
What I’ve Learn So Far.
Since moving back to America after a loooooooong, looooooong hiatus, I am not used to a lot of new things in my life. For example, kindness catches me off guard. In Indonesia, the appetizer comes after the entrée. You don’t fight it. It just happens that way. Try to change it, if you like. Here, our appetizer came “2 minutes late” (their words, not mine) and the manager comes to our table to...
Square Dancing with the Stars.
The WSJ tells me that square dancing is trying to become hip. From what I can tell, it’s comprised mostly of hip-replacement patients.
Word of the day
sniffyjenkins:
Prof S. Jenkins presents today’s beautiful Wednesday word:
PIPETTE
Your homework is to use it at least once in conversation today. Extra points for getting a reaction from your conversation partner that involves one or more of the following:
“Whut?”
Nervous laughter
“Are you feeling OK?”
Raised eyebrows
Frowning
A slap across the face (extra gold star award)
Homework due...
