January 2012
3 posts
NJ Gov Christie will not share pie. →
NJ Gov Chris Christie will not rule out a potential VP nod. In an interview with Matt Lauer on NBC’s Today Show, NJ Gov Christie admitted “if someone wants to put me on their ticket, I’ll jump… but I can’t really jump, but I’ll move my Hoveround in an excited fashion.” Gov Christie also talked about “pie”. “If people envy my pie,...
Spent.
all day yesterday with a puking toddler. Hopefully today she’s back to angel stautus.
December 2011
2 posts
Sex.
August 2011
1 post
"We appreciate your call. Please hold..."
“Sir? Thank you for waiting. I’m sorry you’ve been on hold so long, sir.”
“That’s OK, honey.”
“Honey?”
“Well, yeah. According to Arkansas law, if you and I are in a phone call form more than 10 minutes, we’re common law spouses.”
“What?”
“Yeah. We’re married now, sweatheart.”
“What do...
July 2011
6 posts
Debt Ceiling.
Ha. I’m kidding. Where’s the beer?
Have you ever...
…sat on a tree branch outside someone’s bathroom window so long your legs fell asleep but then her boyfriend saw you so you tried to jump down but because your legs were asleep when you hit the ground you had to drag yourself across the lawn and then the boyfriend appeared naked screaming hysterically wearing pink bunny slippers and beating you with a inflatable pool chair while you...
We're Saved! →
Just so you don't think I'm a blooming onion.
If you follow my twitterness, you’ll see that I called this upcoming holiday “the forth”. I read “Forth of July” in a newspaper. I love typos, so I parrot them until it drives someone to rant. No rants yet. Carry on.
June 2011
3 posts
What I've Learned About Dadding.
Being a dad isn’t as difficult as, say, stopping a cannonball with your chest. That’s not to say that cannonballs hurled at great velocity are simple to stop with your chest but being that I’ve never tried it, it seems at least by the photographic evidence I’ve seen to be an incredibly dangerous and stupid pursuit. Not like raising a baby at all.
Where was I?
...
While the baby sleeps:
1) Get back to novel
2) Remember you weren’t writing novel
3) Oh, shit… where are my notes?
4) Start new notes
5) Look out window
6) Hm. Looks pretty nice out there
7) …
8) Deploy kite
9) Baby cries loudly on monitor
10) Do’h
April 2011
1 post
Springtime in Alaska
When there’s sun, there’s fun.
When there’s rain, there’s pain.
Today, total pain.
March 2011
3 posts
I know, I know...
“Why don’t you post more?”
No. Wait… no one’s asking. (insert sad emoticon)
Well, Michelle (recently inserted daughter) has been kicking my ass. Don’t get me wrong. She’s an angel. Serious sweetheart. But she is time consuming. The only way I’m writing now is because I slipped her some extra warm milk for lunch. That will buy me approximately 20...
Thinking about our friends
Think about our friends in Japan. They live very near Tokyo in Mito, Japan. This area is approximately 280km south of Sendai which was near the epicenter of the massive 8.9 magnitude earthquake. Since that time, they have been rocked by successive 6+ magnitude aftershocks. I moved to Japan just 3 days after the Kobe earthquake. This brings back strong memories. Hoping to hear from our friends.
...
NHK Coverage of Earthquake in Japan →
December 2010
5 posts
It's late.
…and for some reason, I worked today. Crap.
Yeah. I've been under a rock.
Been:
Changing diapers.
Feeding.
Changing diapers.
Reading Seuss.
Changing diapers.
Watching Baby Einstein.
Changing diapers.
Feeding.
And somehow, I’ve managed to keep an eye on my little girl.
This is a text post.
What's happened since I've been out?
Baby Mind Control.
1235: Baby stirs; fetch bottle from fridge; warm up
1242: Bottle warm; baby sleeping deep
1245: Baby screams; sprint to warm bottle; stub toe on couch; bottle warm; baby sleeping again
1246: Think baby smiling
November 2010
12 posts
It *Is* Cyborg Monday.
http://www.amazon.com/Hasbro-Iron-Elecronic-Armor-Role/dp/B003XS9BX8/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1291049047&sr=8-2
This America: Today’s Guest, Zombie George...
This America is dedicated to following America’s evolution as a democracy. Weekly, we’ll feature guests that have played a significant role in creating the United States as we know it and get their take on how they think we Americans today are nurturing the breadbasket of democracy that they forged with their own tireless efforts. These people are dead.
Today’s guest is George Washington, the...
One Day Only!
Today and Today Only!
If you vote for a Tea Party candidate, you’ll receive a commemorative Sarah Palin poster where she’s posing with a dead moose on a snowy hillside. It includes a gold-embossed caption of Sarah’s timeless encouragement “You bet-cha!”
WAIT! THAT’S NOT ALL!
If you cast your ballot in the next fifteen minutes, we’ll throw in a copy of...
September 2010
12 posts
My other Segway jokes.
*Some segues are over the top.
*That segue doesn’t hold water.
*The best segues float to the top.
*There are some mountains segues won’t climb and others that just go overboard.
-from my upcoming book: Segway: Till Death Do Us Part
-or Segued to Death
Write-in.
What if I write “Murkowski” on a note, tie it to a rock, and throw it through someone’s window? Does that count?
Freezing Temperatures? Pinch Me.
The weather forecast for Anchorage, Alaska calls for possible freezing lows by the weekend.
Put that on your pole and lick it.
Some Thoughts on NCAA Football, 2010.
I may be wrong. Having lived overseas for five years, I missed a lot of televised American culture. Chief among that culture, American Football, particularly NCAA Division I Football.
Most of my favorite teams are in the SEC (for those that do not follow NCAA football, ‘SEC’ means ‘only college football conference worth watching’; just to clarify). Apparently, last...
Senate Candidate Christine O'Donnell Looks...
Delaware senate hopeful, Christie O’Donnell said Sunday that if she does not win her senate bid that she will follow in the footsteps of her mentor, Sarah Palin.
“I’ll quit my job and make millions on speaking tours.”
When pressed, O’Donnell, a one-time witch and full-time political office seeker, said “Ok. Ok. I’ll get a job first, then quit. Happy...
Daddy Log: What to teach?
A baby’s blank slate and eagerness to learn presents many teaching opportunities for the technologically inclined dad. Sure, I’ll educate her on proper nutrition and exercise and how to choose the right file encryption system, but the burning question, the war now raging inside my head:
Star Trek or Star Wars?
Daddy Log: Week 1
No lack of sleep,
Nor enough to eat,
From baby girl’s side
Will dad keep.
August 2010
22 posts
