Turtle high five
all day yesterday with a puking toddler. Hopefully today she’s back to angel stautus.
Feel the breeze in your hair?
“Sir? Thank you for waiting. I’m sorry you’ve been on hold so long, sir.”
“That’s OK, honey.”
“Well, yeah. According to Arkansas law, if you and I are in a phone call form more than 10 minutes, we’re common law spouses.”
“Yeah. We’re married now, sweatheart.”
“What do we do now?”
“Get naked, I guess. I don’t make the law.”
“Well don’t expect me to cook for you.”
“Oh, I could just guess how rotten your cooking is. You’re just like your miserable mother!”
“Oh, yeah? Well you’re a drunk like your dad!”
“YOU DON’T KNOW MY DAD! YOU TAKE THAT BACK, WITCH!”
“THAT’S IT! I’M TAKING THE KIDS AND GOING TO STAY WITH MY MOM! BURN IN HELL, ASSHOLE!”
“Honey? Honey? Dammit! I still haven’t confirmed my return flight!”
Ha. I’m kidding. Where’s the beer?
on a serious note… my daughter has turned into a snarling cartoon character… Minnie Fierce.
…sat on a tree branch outside someone’s bathroom window so long your legs fell asleep but then her boyfriend saw you so you tried to jump down but because your legs were asleep when you hit the ground you had to drag yourself across the lawn and then the boyfriend appeared naked screaming hysterically wearing pink bunny slippers and beating you with a inflatable pool chair while you crawled toward your bicycle and tried to remember the combination to the chain lock while the police were just coming around the block?
I just got my copy of Bedtime autographed by its author. She’s so polite and drooly.